Dear GGG, When you’re meeting someone for the first time at, say, a networking event, what’s the best way to ask them what line of work they’re in? I sometimes feel awkward, like I’m being rude by just coming out with “So what do you do?”– Lisa*, age 23, Atlanta

Hi Lisa! Great question.  After an introduction and an outstretched hand, asking “What do you do?” or, if appropriate, “Who [i.e., What company] are you with?” are perfectly fine and get the job done as a polite conversation stimulus. You can also try something like “So, how do you fit in to this whole event?” or  “What profession/field/industry are you in?,” though the latter option can be tricky if you’re at, say, a dinner party, and there may be spouses who are stay-at-home moms or dads.

If you’re doing the “asking”, be sure to keep it light and smiley. It’s true, sometimes people on the other side of the question feel defensive, and that’s sort of on them. One of the necessary evils of meeting new people is having a concise, one line “cocktail party” summation of what you do.  If you’re not exactly in your dream job, or are un- or under-employed, the simple question “What do you do?” can feel prickly. A good comeback? Mention your general line of work and say you’ve been “consulting” or “exploring new opportunities” in XYZ.

I’m a mid-level manager working in marketing, and some of my employees take the dress code a little too loosely. As a manager, how do you tastefully address what is and is not appropriate to wear to work without getting people all fired up? Beth*, age 36, Phoenix

You want to avoid calling out your employee personally. Instead, send an email to all of your direct reports reminding them of the dress code, with specific do’s and don’ts. You might even attach a non-judgmental magazine article summarizing how to dress-your-best for work. If he or she doesn’t take the hint, try linking a conversation about appearance to a specific work-related event. Let’s say you’re a senior lawyer and your rumpled associate is joining you for an important court date. Say something like, “This judge is extremely picky about how we dress. What you were thinking of wearing?” and then launch into some tips and requests for what to wear.

Dear GGG, At what point is it okay to clean out the fridge of everyone’s expired food? — Becky*, 27, Jacksonville

Hi Becky! Many offices have some kind of policy or procedure regarding when the fridge is cleaned out– e.g. the office manager/receptionist sends out a mass email once a month announcing it’s fridge D-day.  If something’s visibly rotting and stinking in there, feel free to throw it away and not feel guilty, but I wouldn’t take it upon yourself to just go through the fridge/freezer and throw everyone’s stuff away if it’s not your job! That’s a quick way to get everyone mad at you. Better course of action is to alert the office manager or powers-that-be that the fridge could use a clean out. (And if there isn’t already someone in charge of that, it could be a great way to take initiative and volunteer yourself!)

Ever been to a dinner party or networking event where the conversation was just so insincere? Yesterday I was on the Today Show talking about how you can schmooze without being fake– and charm everyone in the room at the same time. It was such a fun morning; there were a ton of fellow Atlantans backstage at the show yesterday–including local anchors Karyn Greer and Jill Becker of WXIA, author and InStyle editor (and GGG!) Isabel Gonzalez Whitaker, and goddess of all things bra Susan Nethero). Lots of schmoozing going on in the makeup room ha ha!

Here’s a recap of the tips:

Less is More at the outset. Don’t just bombard someone with a long spiel talking about yourself! That’s the stuff that comes across as really fake. Keeping it simple helps things be more organic. Smile, and maybe start off with a genuine compliment, such as “I love your shoes!” or “I’ve admired your work for a long time!” Compliments are great conversation starters and help build that initial rapport. Also, accept that if you are in a schmooze situation it is going to be a little bit business-like. Just go with it.

Have a Schmooze Action Plan. Nobody just magically has interesting things to talk about all the time! Before an event, gather up three nuggets you can discuss–kind of “pop culture currency” you can contribute. How? Read a few magazine articles, stories on well-known people/trends, or a couple chapters of a popular book. Think about great new restaurants. Or movies. And of course, celeb gossip, American Idol and reality tv– which are all becoming staple dinner party topics. The point is having a few stories or insights to share that aren’t just about your work and life! Sidenote, avoid talk of politics, race, or religion, but again context is key. Obviously if you’re at a political fundraiser, politics is going to come up- but be tactful!

Avoid having a straight-up “elevator speech”. That can come across as very insincere, and off-putting, like you’re just selling something. Instead, take the five bullets/tidbits about yourself you want to share-and let them drop into the conversation kind of one at a time.

Ask Questions. It’s interesting, when you ask someone questions about him or her self, it actually can make them come away from the conversation with a more favorable impression of YOU. Maybe that’s because people just love to talk about themselves! If you’re talking to your boss or a senior colleague, sure you can ask about work projects, industry news-but try to branch out. Ask about his/her kids, vacations, weekend plans.

Learn to make a graceful exit. What if you’re stuck talking with someone you don’t like? Smile and nod, and be pleasant. You don’t want to be impolite. Here’s where you bring out plain old small talk— neutral subjects, like the weather, how great the food is, sports, if you’re into sports. Give it maybe five minutes, and then make a graceful exit. Say something like, ‘It was great chatting, I think I’ll walk around/mingle now/grab a drink”. Or, say you have to go to the restroom!

Don’t be negative. Sometimes when people get nervous or anxious, our instinct is to complain–or share TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Have some boundaries. Don’t speak negatively about your husband or wife when they’re right there! Don’t talk about your financial problems. Or how much you hate your job. Talk like this can make those around you uncomfortable. In general, try to keep it upbeat and positive.

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With the controversy over the Lane Bryant ad shown above, people are again talking about what’s appropriate and what’s not when it comes to cleavage.  I once asked a wise woman if cleavage is appropriate in the workplace and her response was, “Well, it depends on your definition of cleavage.” Touché. There are certainly different kinds of cleavage, and in the workplace, all of them are pretty much a “No”– except for when it comes to the toes! Here are some other quick cleavage do’s and don’ts:

• Boob cleavage at work: For work, unless cleavage is part of your job description (e.g., you’re a bartender!), I say go for décolleté — a ‘shadow’ of boobage, rather than even one inch of crack. It’s simply too distracting otherwise. Also, as the warm weather approaches, avoid flimsy camisoles or shells, even underneath a suit.  Anything that looks too much like lingerie is better left to the bedroom, not the boardroom.
• Cleavage at the beach: There’s a new trend of “tush cleavage” in which you show the top part of your rear a la Kim Kardashian in this photo. I witnessed a bit of this a few months ago when I was in Rio — where the bathing suits are famously itty bitty– and even then, most of the time, the tops were small, whereas the bottoms gave complete coverage. Bottom line (sorry, couldn’t resist!): only the very bold should try it! And up top, you want a bathing suit that covers 75 percent of your “girls.”
• Toe cleavage: This refers to when you can see the little crack where your toe joins your foot in certain shoes. It used to be you shouldn’t show toe cleavage in office shoes, but that’s outdated– not to mention virtually impossible with most low-vamp, fashion-forward pumps!